Jyotsna's Pensive.

What is the best book you have read ?

2011-08-30T12:07:00.002-05:00

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I used to watch a quiz show on TV growing up where the mascot was a (book)worm, who would come in saying "A book is your best friend". I was sold on that idea and grew up believing that was true.
In some ways, it was. I read a lot, loved that my father drive 45 minutes on a Sunday to take me to one of the best libraries in town.

As an architect, I now like books with pictures more than books with words, but I will try to make a list of the books that have impressed me over the years. I should confess, however, that if you give me a list of top 100 books everyone must read, I will do poorly checking off that list.

Favorite kids book:
When I was 3 and couldn't read yet, my mom would read out this counting book to me about pom pom bunny preparing for his birthday party. I had made her read the book to me so many times that I knew the words by heart. I would sit there by myself, reciting the words out loud, turning the pages at the right time. I forget the name of the book, but it started like this :
"Pom Pom bunny is writing a letter - Please come to my birthday party, it said. How many letters are there? There are 10 letters."

Favorite toddler book: I loved the "Little Golden Books" The Poky Little Puppy, The Fox and the Hound and Bambi were my favorites.
My pick : The Poky Little Puppy

Favorite elementary / middle school book(s):
This is more an author than a book. I grew up reading everything Enid Blyton. From the mystery and adventure series to the Naughtiest girl and finally when my tastes started becoming more girly, St,. Claires ; she kept me entertained, informed and left me with a strong desire to travel to England and live in the English countryside.
My pick: Malory Towers series by Enid Blyton

High School books:
I was a confused kids. My reading choices will tell you that. I would read Nancy Drew, Classics Illustrated, Sweet Valley and did the typical Jeffery Archer , Robin Cook and anything else I could lay my hands on.
My pick : Kane and Abel by Jeffery Archer.

Grown-up books:
If I was confused in High School, I am worse now. I will try to pick some books that genuinely impressed me and left me thinking.

A million little pieces, James Frey.
It is a semi-fictional autobiography of a 23-year old guy through alcohol,drugs and rehab. Immensely powerful because it is bereft of any self-pity or excuses. It is blatantly objective and honest.

The Namesake , Jhumpa Lahiri
An amazing story about the Indian diaspora in the US, and their identity crisis. The story is narrated in aw way that endears you to the characters and leaves you thinking about how to define home, family and identity.

A Thousand Splendid Suns , Khalid Hosseni
A story of two generations of women in Afghanistan, oppression, terror and the Taliban. It is a story of a male-dominated society, of friendships and hope, of betrayal and the struggle to survive. It is a beautiful portrayal of Afghanistan before the Taliban and how their policies affected the daily lives of people. A beautiful book about human spirit.

India Calling, Anand Giridhardas
First generation American citizen, NYT columnist goes back to visit the land his parents left decades ago in search of a better life and understand his roots. His book is an objective commentary on the state of the country now and his views on the future direction it will take.

The Snakehead , Patrick Radden Keefe
Another of those narratives, this time about the Chinese mafia in NY Chinatown. It is the story of how one woman almost-single-handedly managed to transport an entire district of China to the US illegally and help them lead a better life. It is also about perceptions and how a most-wanted fugitive in one part of the world is a most-revered figure in another.

And, of course. Atlas Shrugged. Before I am accused of blasphemy, let me mention The Fountainhead. Although I might not agree in principle to the underlying message of these books, it is the idea of power and changing the world in these books that impresses me.

Check out other participating posts :

20 years hence ...

2011-08-16T14:47:00.001-05:00

20 years ago, I was 6. Thinking about what I would do for the next hour and the next day seemed to be the farthest I thought. Today, I am 26. Thinking about what I will do in the next couple of years is how far I have gotten. 20 years is a long time - I will be 46 and hopefully thinking about the next couple of decades.

I am both terrified and thrilled by thinking about 20 years hence. I can only hope - life hands me lemonade; and not make me hunt for the lemons. I can sweeten it, still lemonade would be nice.

I am 26, have a masters degree in architecture and care for the planet and the less fortunate. I have also been unemployed since I graduated, for the last 8 months. In 20 years, I hope to be doing something that unites all three of my passions. Of course, I hope for world peace, healthcare and food for everyone in the world and an end to poverty, but lets be practical here.

I believe that the rich / poor divide is going to grow. It will be a survival of the fittest, and competition will get intense. Today's technology will become obsolete : kids will wonder how we survived without gizmos (you remembered things -really ? what do you mean you didn't write to everyone - you TALKED ?) Technology will start ruling architecture, we might see entire sections of the building 3D printed. LEED will be a part of the building code - wait - buildings will be blobs. Architecture will start becoming blobitecture - blobs will be self-sustaining independent living systems. People living in the blobs will only socialize with the people in the blob; therefore becoming independently functioning entities. Kids will think cows are a type of food and sparrows are found only in zoos. Villages and small-towns will become unheard of, with cities growing to 4 times their current size.

In the midst of all this mayhem, there will be a group of like-minded professionals who still find beauty in purity and simplicity. People who cared about the past, people who care about the future. People who do not think that technology is the answer to everything - people who want to help. People who believe that if we looked outside, we will find the right answers.

I will be among those people, hopefully not having abandoned my dream of becoming an architect because the world didn't have enough money to hire me and people wanted blobs, not buildings.
I hope.

A participating Lets Blog Off Post.
The table below is a list of the other posts in this series.

Traditions - Lets blog off

2011-07-05T20:50:00.000-05:00

Once every two weeks, the blog world unites to blog about a common topic. The topic this time : "What traditions do you keep ?

I cant think of traditions without thinking about my roots. I was born in a city called Chennai in Southern India, where my parents grew up and went to college. However, we lived in different places until I was 5, and when it was time for me to attend regular school, settled down in a place I consider home, Bangalore.
In India, traditions (religious and cultural) vary from state to state. Although we have a lot of national holidays that are celebrated by the entire country, the way the religious festivals are celebrated widely differ, sometimes even falling on different days. There is always a set of conventions that each family follows, each fine tuned to suit their individual preferences.
Growing up, my family always celebrated all the religious festivals that our family traditionally celebrated at home, but with a local flavor. One thing common between all of them was food, new clothes and sharing - a tradition I still continue to maintain.

Of course, moving halfway across the world changes things. Living in a different timezone and following a different cultural calendar is confusing, add to that being married to a guy whose husband's family follows a slightly different cultural calendar ; and things are seriously complicated.
One tradition I still continue to keep through all of this, is the one I was raised with - celebrating all festivals with a local flavor. The number of occasions has increased - from 1 to 3 different sources, but I'm not complaining !
I cook traditional meals for Pongal and Diwali, bake a traditional fruitcake for Christmas, complete with dry fruits that have been soaked in rum for a week. Considering that my family here is too widespread to visit, thanksgiving is the time to celebrate with friends who have become family here.

So I guess I should say that the only tradition I really keep is amalgamation !

Here's a list of other participating posts:

Relax and recharge

2011-06-21T10:04:00.000-05:00

Relaxing is stressful. To find the perfect thing to do to feel your best the next day stresses me out !

The topic of this blog made me start thinking about relaxing, and how the concept has changed for me over the years. .
As a kid, relaxing meant running around, trying to dodge homework and playing imaginary games with imaginary people. As a teenager, all I wanted to do was curl up with a book, shut off from people and the world. I am a TV snob, and tend not to like most of the things I watch, so that stressed me out too.

Somewhere between my teens and my tweens, I developed a love for the beach. Although I cannot go lie on the beach for hours together, its too passive, I loved the sound of the waves and the moonlight bouncing off the waves especially on a full moon night.

Now on the wrong side of my twenties, I think relaxing is mental; and about food. My favorite thing to do after a stressful day is to cook. The coming together of the dish, the intermixing of all the different flavors and sometimes contradicting tastes to come together to appeal to a larger audience is magical. Top it off with home made dessert, and I am ready to go !

I am also a page traveler. I love traveling, especially through books. The idea of being in a foreign land, where no one knows you and you know no one is thrilling. I am happiest when I have some travel / guide books around me and I am making notes for all the touristy things to avoid and the non-touristy things to do! Of course, actually going to the less visited places would be the icing on the cake, but that is for another day !

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India Calling

2011-04-21T21:14:00.000-05:00

by Anand Giridhardas.
I havent finished reading it yet, but this is something I would recommend.
It is a first generation american's account of his return to his parents' homeland and his understanding of the changing dynamics and energy of the country. It is strong without being depraving. The first ever book in recent times that has made me sit up and face the facts.
(It took me a long long time to accept Aravind Adiga's "The White Tiger" ; anything slightly negative puts me behind a veil of denial from where I finish reading the rest of the book).
I am making a conscious effort this time not to go behind that veil, mainly because of my fear of losing the experience of the journey. I hope the rest of the book is a good experience. Will update soon !

Dear Sachin (the man we all want to be)

2011-04-11T17:00:00.000-05:00

Thank You, for the World Cup victory. Yes, thanks not congratulations, would reflect how a vast majority of us feel. We have been given the opportunity to witness what is probably one of the most poignant moments of our lives. Grown men (and women) cried, people danced on the streets, atheists prayed, rational people succumbed to superstition and we rejoiced. All those sleepless nights of people all over the world (especially in the N. American continent), waking up in the dead of the night to watch, all the lost productivity, all the arguments, the emotional roller-coasters were all worth it. For that, a big thank you.

Also thank you for not getting your 100th 100 in the final. I know that you will have plenty of opportunity to do it in the future, and I hope that when you do get it, it will be significant to the team's success. By leading the way all through the tournament but not playing the key role in the final, you have proved to the cricket-loving Indian public that the team is in good hands. We were still suffering from a big 4 hangover. That is fully cured now, thanks to Dhoni and Gambhir and Yuvi leading the way in the final.

Finally, a big thank you for being you. We respect your straight drive as much as we respect your personality. We hope our children will grow up to be as calm, level headed and sincere as you. We hope that they will not let success get to their heads and have the same work ethic as you do. We hope that they will have someone like a Sachin Tendulkar to emulate while growing up, just like we did.

Best wishes,
a fan.

The thin line between smart puns and distasteful jingoism

2011-03-31T09:47:00.000-05:00

India defeated Pakistan to be in the Cricket World Cup Finals 2011. The social networking world (at least for people from the subcontinent) has been a frenzy of activity with people posting newspaper articles, status updates, comments, discussions, strategies and analysis before / during and after the match. It all made for some interesting reading (for us) and some annoyance for some others (who don't follow cricket and wondering why this word that sounds like the name of an insect has taken over your friends' pages).
Facebook, twitter and other social networking sites have given people a chance to express themselves in ways that we could not have imagined before. However, it has also made people believe that one can get away with saying anything. Comparing a cricket match to war, bringing politics and mythology into it, using profanities and attacking the opponent's culture does not show your support for your national team, it just shows your lack of character. For every 'retweet' or 'like' you might be getting, have you thought of the people whose sentiments you might be hurting ?
Attacking the opposition's culture will not help your team win. Cheering them on will. Hate messages on social networking sites does not make you more of an Indian than anyone else. However, it makes you less of a human being.

2011-03-17T18:08:00.000-05:00

During a time that everything seems dark, all we can do is focus on the bright spots that seem to appear from nowhere. Wishing hope and courage for the people in Japan to recover from this calamity.

Where you live shapes who you become

2011-03-05T15:52:00.000-06:00

I recently started exercising again. I have always been doing it, on and off, after college. Initially, I did it because my parents wanted me to. After I moved to the US, I restarted after the first year because I felt it was a shame not to use the facilities we were being given. I joined group exercise classes, and it felt great to try something new and make new friends.

Although I can wax eloquent on the health benefits of exercise, weight loss has never been a reason for me to exercise. I do it because it makes me feel good. Physically, mentally, emotionally. (Yes, if you are my parents or brother or husband, you know why being emotionally fit is important - more to them than to me).

My recent foray into the world of work outs and conviction to stick to it is for a completely different reason (yes, the fact that I have paid money for a whole year has something to do with it too). For the first time, I have a reason to be fit and more active. I want to be able to run / bike along the charles river in the summer; I want to be able to run in the cold on the sidewalks like all the people I see on the street. I want to be able to hike for hours and feel good about it. I want to be able to bike to a far-ish picnic spot, lay on the grass all afternoon and come back biking in the evening. Also, sometime in the (more near than far, I hope) future, I want to be able to run at least a 5k.

The fact that the outdoors are much more accessible now has inspired me. Which brings me to believe in the title of the post, "where you live shapes who you become".

P.S. In the process, if I have nicely toned abs and calves, I wont be complaining :)

ICF 2.0

2011-02-27T23:26:00.000-06:00

I blogged about being an Indian Cricket Fan or ICF 4 years ago, during the last world cup.

Since then my active involvement in the game has been waxing and waning. More waxing of late, since I can spend time actually watching the match rather than have to listen to interrupted commentary while working.

I have also been observing the newer brand of ICF : the transplanted ICF

The basics remain the same, you are still subjected to high levels of stress, lessened productivity and mood swings; just compounded by the fact that you have to wake up at unearthly hours to watch the match.
Cricinfo is bookmarked and always open on your laptop.

The hour before the scheduled start of play is spent in frantically testing and finding a *working link*. *Working link please* becomes the most used phrase on IM during this time.

You groan with the same agony when the link stops working as you do when an Indian wicket falls or a catch is dropped.

You are excited about day/night matches being played in West Indies and South Africa because it is during normal waking hours. Even if they are insignificant matches that you wouldn't normally watch.

Within 10 minutes of the match ending, 8/10 of your friends have fb status messages and tweets that have their analysis of the match, there are about 20 comments and 30 'likes' to every status message.

You try to explain to a Rangers fan why you are so passionate about a game that *lasts 5 days and has tea breaks*, but cant appreciate baseball.

Every tournament final is as important as the superbowl. The debates about the state of Indian cricket are almost as passionate as the debates about politics at every Desi party you go to.

Joining a cricket league is your most important summer activity. You think you are an IPL player and scheme about how to join a better team next season.

Uncle Pai

2011-02-24T21:43:00.003-06:00

I haven't written in what feels like forever. Wait, it HAS been forever. :)

Uncle Pai has had such a profound impact on me growing up that I thought it was perfect for me to restart blogging with a tribute to him.

Uncle Pai defined my childhood. I don't remember seeing a picture of him ever, I couldn't just do a google image search back then, but I had this image of an average-height black-haired man with kind eyes sheltered by thick-black framed glasses with a face that had a formed smile sitting behind a desk with a pen and writing all those letters on nice paper. I was content with that image.

I actually used to find science fascinating; because of the way he told us. Unfortunately, that fascination ran out when I had to face it in a real school with real teachers. I would try and get into adventures so that I could write to him to tell him that it had happened to me and see my name in print. Most of what I know about Indian mythology is thanks to him, after my grandmothers. To me he was Santa Claus, who gave us a present every week, through the newspaper man. A Santa who knew everything about everything that there is to know.

I attribute my love for reading to him, he showed me snippets of an alternative universe through his books, a universe that I decided I wanted to explore further. Dog Detective Ranjha led me to believe that normal people could solve mysteries; Shikari Shambu taught me that luck can only help you fool other people, Tantri taught me that being cunning is not always being smart, Kalia reinforced my argument for the advantages of being small built.

I used to have every single edition I had bought at the back of a shelf that was used to store old newspapers. Everytime the raddiwala came, I used to stand and watch my parents take the newspaper out like a hawk, so that none of my books from my precious collection were unwittingly thrown away. I would read them, re-read them and re-read the re-read comics, until my parents had to intervene and say "no more tinkle" for the week. We had to give all those "books" away when we moved. That was when I realised that I was not a child anymore and had to grow up.

Thank You, Uncle Pai - for all the fond memories. I hope future generations continue to be as fascinated by Amar Chitra Kathas as we were.

home beckons !

2009-06-21T23:57:00.003-05:00

Why i think i should go home ...

Rangashankara
Driving
SMS
Sreeraj lassi bar
Amma pannina murungakkai rasam
Dyuman's "bear" hugs :)
Daddy-daughter time
Besi
"Moda" pani puri
Traffic on the streets, honking, buses and autos
Waking up to voices in the kitchen, hot beverages that are ready before you are, breakfast, lunch, dinner taking care of themselves.
Kilometers, Liters, Rupees
Home, room, bed - all of which i can rightfully call mine ...

There can never be enough reasons why I need to go home. The most important is that is .. HOME.
mamma, I'm coming homeee !!

heard.

2009-03-29T10:38:00.003-05:00

What is the first thing that comes to mind when I say India ?
1. Indian food.
2. Curry
3.Convenience stores.
4. The bindi.
5. Water buffaloes
6. Cows !
7. Elephants
8. Are you a part of Asia ??
9. Castes.
10. I'm sure they have arranged marriages there still. Is it allowed for you to marry outside your "race" ?
Does not really relate to the real title here, but i still found it funny that someone asked me : "have you already been "promised" to somebody ?"

the web.

2009-03-05T23:14:00.002-06:00

The complexity of human relationships amazes me. It is almost like geometry.. starts with lines, and before you know it, there is an intense web that is almost-unfathomable.

The lines in a relationship are a screen. They are also the base. The people are the building blocks. Emotion is the geometry that brings them together. It can be straight. It can be twisted. It can be simple. It can be complex. It can be apparent. It can be enigmatic. It can be aesthetic. It can be ugly. At the end, it is a simple ordering principle that life is based on.

We are born inside a pre-designed web. A system that will hold us when we try to stick out hands out. After a while, we learn the ropes. We start experimenting, first with the nose, then with the hands and then the legs. Before we know it, we have mastered the art and are ready to break out of the web. The break-out leaves a gaping hole. Sometimes, we try to fix by trying to repair the hole so that it does not look like the outline of our body. Most times, we just learn to live with it. Leave the hole open so that we can go back whenever we want to. Hope that with time, the hole will heal itself, and look more ordered, restoring the original geometry so that it does not look so mangled anymore. Hope that with time, the hole will become a doorway, a legitimate entrance / exitway.

Sometimes, the web fails. Thats what tests our strength. Some of us are strong enough to hold the web together and help re-weave it, some of us are strong enough to get out of the web unscathed, some a little bruised, some just cave in.

It does not affect us so much if the web that we created caves in , because we know that we are capable of weaving it again, with, maybe a slight shift in axis or a change in the ordering geometry; but it does affect us when the pre-designed web collapses. We get so comfortable with the web that we are unable to comprehend the changes. We are not sure if we can repair the web, we might not like the changes made to it.

In the end, we learn to live. The lines might have been truncated, twisted, some completely erased. We learn to live with the changed geometry. We become active participants in the creation of the geometry and learn to love it. That is what we all live for.

autumn (because i find it funny to noun-ize a verb)

2008-11-06T16:03:00.007-06:00

The leaves are finally falling in Arlington. It is awesome, the brown carpet of dead leaves on the grass, the multi-colo(u)red trees, the dynamism that comes with changing colours every day.

Morbid as it might sound, there is so much beauty in death. if something that signifies the end can be so beautiful, i am eagerly waiting for something that signifies the beginning.

I was in NY for a few days a couple of weeks back. Didn't have a lot of time to go to the right places to see the fall colours, but i loved whatever little i saw.

Central Park, NY

some arbit park, NJ.

pics from uta coming soon :D

Transplanting 101

2008-09-14T20:13:00.002-05:00

Its been a while since i blogged .
and in the while that its been, i have moved to Arlington, Texas, to pursue my Masters in Architecture.

Transplanting 101 is the lesson that they "taught" us at the orientation. It was about the old soil and the new soil have to interact and reach a balance before it can take root. It made a lot of sense to us then. and still does.

My "experiences in America" so far have been interesting, to say it simply.
The first week ( half-week, rather - i got here on a Wednesday) passed in a daze - time spent with family and overcoming jet-lag.
The next two weeks - was spent in trying to fix a place to stay and getting used to the university.
Its been 3 weeks since school started.

The first thing i noticed about the US was - "there's mosaic at the Houston airport!"
The second (this was when i went to walmart, and bought household supplies) - everything's HUGE!
The third (this was on a sunny afternoon, under the shade of a tree in front of the library) - the squirrels are LARGE. and they don't have stripes !! ( they are very cute - they look like the classic chip-n-dale cartoons, when they are biting on something.)
The fourth - Man, the onions are like tennis balls, and the potatoes are like missiles!

I find it strange that one has to ask for water as a "drink" in a restaurant. I also find it strange that everyone is so friendly. ( I am not complaining - it just took me almost 2 weeks to get used to everyone smiling and nodding to me). I also find it funny that vegetarian food in fast food joints is so hard to find (Indian subs and McD's - yayy!)

What i do love about the country, is the thoroughness. They pay attention to the minutest detial( to the point that the vegetables in most stores are 'waxed' to make them look good). There is not a single "inaccessible" space that I have come across. They value time. Theirs and others. The level of automation is also mind-boggling. There are machines for everything. Systems for everything. Methods for everything. and, a sense of humo(u)r accompanies it all. Americans can laugh at themselves.

We have a lot to learn from this country. and I hope that we will.
If we are able to implement systems in the next 20 years in India, i will consider it a big victory.

Signing off, ttyl. :P

do aane mein chaaar !

2008-07-08T06:17:00.004-05:00

Disclaimer: I love all the people that are/have helped me ... this is just to see the other side!
Now you'll know why I am cranky, when I am!

Its been a while.
In the "while" that its been, I've managed to get myself admitted into The University of Texas at Arlington, for a Masters in Architecture.
As a result of that, I have had to do a LOT of running around ; deal with Govt. offices ; talk/meet/act in ways that I normally wouldn't.
At the end of every "step" ; when it seemed that things had a dead end, something happened that cleared the clouds. Call it providence, call it fate, call it a divine intervention. I'm just happy that it all did - and thankful to all the people who made it happen :)
Now that I have less than a month to leave, apart from the usual (Will you come back ? ; will you remember us? ; When will i see you next? ; Will you come back with an accent? ; I'll kill you if you talk to me with a twang! ; Happy 4th of July ; Will you start wearing short skirts and tank tops? ; If you go away now, WHEN do you intend to get married?) ; I am also getting a LOT of gyaan.
Free, unsolicited gyaan.
What I thought only held good for cricket (ref my post titled ICF ..) is now good for Foreign travel also. especially if you are travelling as a student. alone.
One person tells you to learn to cook; another says its no big deal .. you'll learn anyway. One person tells you its no use learning; whose going to eat the junk that you prepare? Another tells you that you are doomed if egg is not among your preferred list of foods.
One tells you to carry as many clothes from here as possible. Another says that what you get here is not in vogue there; and you'll end up feeling like ugly duckling!
One tells you that you;ll learn to adjust to other people/ habits / cultures ; another says that it'll be near-impossible : given how finicky I am.
One tells you not to live away from campus another says that far aways is all the place you will get to live, initially.
One tells you that it is going to be all fun ; another says it'll be all work and no play.

My response to all this:
THANK YOU.
I understand that you mean well, but no thanks.
If you have anything to say that you have experienced (i can see that smile on your face, appa!) then share your wisdom... but please don't "expect" me to listen. Just as you think you are entitled to your opinion, I am too; to mine!

Quarter-life crisis ...

2008-02-01T08:39:00.000-06:00

For the want of enthusiasm / inspiration to write something original, here's something i read, and love :)

Being a twenty-something...........

It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing thatthere are many things about yourself that you didn't know and may not like. You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now.

You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly thegreatest people you have ever met, and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones. What you don't recognize isthat they are realizing that too, and aren't really cold, catty, mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you.

You look at wat ur studyin or ur job... and it is not even close to what you thought you would be doing, or maybe you are looking for a job and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and that scares you.

Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and are constantly adding things to your list of what is acceptable and what isn't. One minute,you are insecure and then the next, secure.

You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly, change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life, but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away, and there is nothing to do but staywhere you are or move forward.

You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you. Or you lie in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough that you want to get to know better. Or maybe you lovesomeone! but love someone else too and cannot figure out why you'redoing this because you know that you aren't a bad person. Getting wastedand acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic. You go through thesame emotions and questions over and over, and talk with your friendsabout the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision.

You worry about loans, money, the future and making a life for yourself... and while winning the
race would be great, right now you are scared justto be a contender!
What you may not realize is that every one reading this relates to it.We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out. Send this to your twenty-something friends... maybe it will help someone feel like they aren't alone intheir state of confusion...

Its called "Quarter-life Crisis." nothing is constant......except change. wats life without a few risks? keep playing the game ! Just take care and be good .. & be Honest to yourself

continuous discontinuity

2007-12-10T12:17:00.000-06:00

"We are all just prisoners here .. of our own device".
This line from the famous song by the Eagles, "Hotel California" recently triggered off a series of thoughts.....
Amazing, to note that the feeling of being trapped, made worse by the knowledge that it is all one's own doing has been present for ages. There is no "chance" in the world. Every action is a conscious / subconscious decision by an individual, and every incident is a reaction to a decision / action taken.
The song also triggers different emotions everytime i listen to it. It feels like a tribute to the human spirit while being cynical about the hypocrits in all of us.

The next time you feel like complaining, listen to the song. It will do wonders. At least, it does, to me ! :)

The elusive perfect ....

2007-11-13T11:54:00.000-06:00

What makes us do? Why are we us? Who controls the mind? Who controls the thought? What controls the action?
Is it the invisible pink unicorn?

Why do we strive? What do we fear? How do we reason? Where do we understand? What do we inherit? Who do we trust? Why do we love? Why do we dream? Why do we hope?

Who are we fighting? What are we revolting against? What is the world ?

The answer to it all ... THE ELUSIVE PERFECT = THE INVISIBLE PINK UNICORN.

the sound of silence.

2007-11-01T06:33:00.001-05:00

peer pressure ..

2007-10-02T09:21:00.000-05:00

oof ! too much blog-competition these days.
since i have already been blacklisted, i have decided to sit back and watch from the sidelines.
so, competitors; take it away !! lets see who has the last laugh. :)

Waiting for Murugesh ...

2007-09-10T10:21:00.000-05:00

The importance of the coffee-person in any office can never be underestimated. He is, easily, the most venerated person; helping to soothe irate nerves and keep the peace.
His arrival is the most anticipated moment during the day. All work comes to a grinding halt when he's around, space cleared on cluttered tables, every eye on him, with thankful sighs resonating all around.

11 AM : OMG ! half hour more ! Why can't he come a little earlier?
11.10 AM : 20 minutes more! This is torture !!
11.20 AM : I give up. No more work can be done until i get some hot liquid down my throat. I wonder how i can pretend to be working until Murugesh arrives ....
11.30 AM : A smiling Murugesh walks in, with his usual "madam - tea or coffee?"
The whole atmosphere in the office changes. Frowns and scowls turn into smiles,everyone crowds around the "coffee-table" and the entire office echoes with happy chatter.

11.35 AM : the chatter dies down, everyone's back to their respective places, eagerly counting down to 4.30 PM ...

11.35 AM(IF murugesh hasn't turned up yet) : JF: "hello .. Murugesh, elli iddira? ( or, Murugesh, Goobe, bega barakkagalva!!)"
Murugesh: "Coming...coming.."
expectant faces looking wistfully at the clock and doorway; until the sound of Murugesh's footsteps on the kota brings a smile to their faces ..

.......

2007-08-29T12:20:00.000-05:00

Two of my best friends moved half-way across the world recently. I will be honest and say that i am not very thrilled about the situation.I'm happy for them and all that, but i'm sure that mini forest will miss us.
To quote mastercard, "there are some things in the world money can't buy". Best friends are definitely one of them. There are a few people i call "best friend". As i recently realised, the definition differs with every person.
I love each one of them equally, no doubt about that; i just love them "equally-differently".
There are some people who will patiently listen to all the nonsense that i tell them; and not judge me for whatever i say; there are some others who will not hesitate to put their foot down and say "Shut-up, Jyotsna ; you're making no sense" :P
There are some people who will give in to your crazy whim; some others who will warn you of the consequences before you attempt to do something irrational; and still NOT say "i told you so", once yu come out with your ego bruised.

If this post is not making any sense, it is because i am not able to see too much sense right now. But, i truly believe that ....
"As our lives change, come whatever, we will still be, friends forever" .

Independence day...

2007-08-15T00:33:00.000-05:00

60 years of independence. Yayy ! We have been a "free" nation for the past 60 years. We have made major advances in all fields - science, technology, sports, art, agriculture, rural healthcare and sanitation, infrastructure, clean drinking water, free and compulsory education ...the list goes on .. or so the government and the news channels claim.

Is this really so? Are we really a "free" nation?
At the risk of sounding boorish, i beg to differ.

Even after 60 years, we are not a free country. We still follow the much-criticized 'divide-and-rule' policies of the British raj - under the guise of 'reservation' and 'equal distribution of rights'. What about the caste politics that our leaders unashamedly practice? Aren't we slaves of a corrupt mindset?

Does 'upliftment of the downtrodden' mean 'trodding upon the rights of the "uplifted" '? Isn't that policy again a consequence of the greed for power? Aren't we now slaves to power, which, in turn guarentees money and fame in the 7th most corrupt country in the world ?

Are our girls and women really 'free' ? We hear of female foeticides, kidnapping and gang-rape of little girls, trafficking of women and flesh trade, dowry deaths, abusive households, eve-teasing , kidnap and murder of working women. The solution offered is this - stay away, stay safe. Is a country that can't guarentee safety to 48 % of its citizens really free ?

Are our children free ? Sucked into the system right from the tender age of 3; they bear the burden of expectations, try to excel in a system that does not recognise ingenuity, basically live the lives of 10 people who want to make the child what they could never be.
Aren't we now slaves of the system?

To quote former President Dr.Abdul Kalam, who, in his farewell speech said :

My dear citizens, let us resolve to continue to work for realizing the missions of developed India 2020 with the following distinctive profile.

1. A Nation where the rural and urban divide has reduced to a thin line.
2. A Nation where there is an equitable distribution and adequate access to energy and quality water.
3. A Nation where agriculture, industry and service sector work together in symphony.
4. A Nation where education with value system is not denied to any meritorious candidates because of societal or economic discrimination.
5. A Nation which is the best destination for the most talented scholars, scientists, and investors.
6. A Nation where the best of health care is available to all.
7. A Nation where the governance is responsive, transparent and corruption free.
8. A Nation where poverty has been totally eradicated, illiteracy removed and crimes against women and children are absent and none in the society feels alienated.
9. A Nation that is prosperous, healthy, secure, peaceful and happy and continues with a sustainable growth path.
10. A Nation that is one of the best places to live in and is proud of its leadership.

His vision can only be achieved if we become a free nation. A nation that is free from its own vices. A nation where the people do not make money by starving poor people. A nation that is proud of itself, its heritage, its culture.A nation where merit is rewarded and mediocrity punished. A nation that is proud of its every citizen. A nation where every citizen is proud of it.

JAI HIND. I firmly and truly believe: MERA BHARATH MAHAN. Happy Independence Day.

lessons from a bowl of pasta ...

2007-07-18T23:25:00.000-05:00

1. My pasta taught me an important lesson in glocalization.
No matter how much you try to standardize and use "good-quality , imported" material, its those fresh little leaves from your garden that make it taste so good.

2. It also taught me a lesson on standardization.
No matter how similar things are, they require that little attention to detail that makes all the difference in the end.

I took a book quiz ....

2007-05-15T22:52:00.000-05:00

.. and tada.. here's what i found out !!

You're Watership Down!

by Richard Adams

Though many think of you as a bit young, even childish, you're
actually incredibly deep and complex. You show people the need to rethink their
assumptions, and confront them on everything from how they think to where they
build their houses. You might be one of the greatest people of all time. You'd
be recognized as such if you weren't always talking about talking rabbits.

Take the Book Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid.

Mothers day .....

2007-05-15T11:08:00.000-05:00

Another mother's day passed.. i still haven't found the right way to commemorate the occasion.
I can safely say that i understand now how difficult it is to be a mother...and wish i had understood that atleast 10 years ago !!

To those that say that there's no need for a special day to make your mother feel special. well, how many of us do it everyday ??

What i am today is dedicated to the woman because of who i am...
Mothers day greetings....to all the moms and aunts and grandmoms and everyone who has any "mum"ta in them !! :)

Heroes.

2007-05-09T06:35:00.000-05:00

When i first met her, Divya was a confused 15-year old who loved school and hated maths. The third girl child in the family, her father turned an alcoholic after her birth, leaving her mother with the responsibility of being the sole bread-winner for the family, which, i should say, she managed quite commendably.

A class 9 student then , Divya wanted some help with her maths, which i readily agreed to do. She was a keen and enthusiastic student. Though I was not very conversant with "teaching" in tamil, and she was from tamil-medium school, i should say that she managed very well, and produced good results in the class 10 board exams.

Then came the question of "what-next". She decided to take up commerce, as it involved less of the hardcore maths that science students study. She also decided to shift to an english-medium school, to help her cope better at college.

Now, Divya is on the threshold of college education - she wants to do BBA, work a while and then go on to do an MBA.

What is commendable is no just her intention, but the way she goes about it. Never once have I heard regret or despair in her voice. Her birth was not welcome by the family. Her mother was undergoing treatment for depression during most important exams of her life. Her father was an alcoholic, who used to create ugly scenes at home everyday. She has 2 sisters who were married off when they were 17-18 and studied only upto class 8.

It is, indeed ironic that she'll go on to become the most-educated person in the family. She will go on to work, earn and do justice to all the money and effort her parents spent on her eduction. She will become an "educated" member of society.

She still does have some issues with "peter-scene" colleges, where all the wannnabes behave like, well, wannabe's ! But still. There's her whole life in front of her. There's hope. There's enhtusiasm. There's determination. Where there is a will there's a way.

This is the age of new role-models..ones that inspire without preaching. Ones that do, not tell. My new-age heroes.

P.S. Incidentally, while i was writing this, i came across a news article about Saraswathi - the daughter of an auto-driver who hs scored 95% in her class 10 boards and aspies to enter the civil services.

I can't help but :)

The truth about non-conformists....

2007-04-29T08:41:00.000-05:00

My favourite lines from the 'little golden' book "poky little puppy" , which was my first lesson on conformism.

5 little puppies dig a hole under the fence and go for a walk in the wide, wide world. The poky little puppy sniffs at a different patch of grass and finds out what's for dessert every night. His siblings go home and get reprimanded for disobedience and are put to bed without dessert, while the poky little puppy comes home after everyone's asleep,eats up all the rice pudding and goes to bed "happy as a lark".

"And down they went to see, roly-poly, pell-mell, tumble-bumble, 'till they came to the edge of the green grass, and there they stopped short."

"What in the world are you doing?" they asked."I smell something!" said the poky little puppy.
Then the four little puppies began to sniff, and they smelled it, too.

"Strawberry shortcake!" they said. "

And home they went to see, through the meadow, down the road, over the bridge, across the green grass and up the hill, two and two.

And when they got to the top of the hill, they counted themselves, one, two, three, four. One little puppy wasn't there."

Now, where in the world was the poky little puppy? "

Moral of the story: "Non-conformists might get to eat rice pudding every night, but miss out on strawberry shortcake".

Adulthood ....

2007-04-24T07:56:00.000-05:00

After my rather impulsive outburst on being an adult on my 21st b'day...
One year into it, here's why adulthood is not as bad as i thought it would be :

I can proudly say I am grown-up and no one can veto it.
I get heard, and your opinions suddenly seem to matter more than they did as a teenager.
All the kids around don't know whether to call me akka or aunty!! [ :D ]
There are friends' weddings to attend , friends' spouses to 'catch up over lunch with'.
I can boss over younger siblings and get away with it.
I can call school-kids .. kids!!
My work is entirely my choice - not imposed by some board or syllabus or system.
There are nephews and nieces and friends' kids - to whom I can still be the young,hip aunt!!

Of course, I would still love to be the little kid who loves earnie and bert, loves reading tinkle and gokulam and cries that bambi's mother died and the monkey lost his heart....but..well... I can re-live my childhood thru intellectual discussions with sathu on why crows don't have hands or why oscar loves garbage!

Summer.

2007-04-11T12:33:00.000-05:00

Summer then :

Much-anticipated holidays.
Eager relatives and cousins waiting at Madras central.
2 months of mangoes in various stages of ripening and forms.
Hand-fans .. in various colours and sizes.
Amma's MMS - 3 times a day.
Jackfruit trees and blisters from the sap.
Britannia Brita biscuits.
Feeling sick after too many biscuits.
Silly "house" and "doctor" games.
late nights spent playing cards or monopoly.
Daya-kattai and pallanguzhi.
Being pampered to bits by adoring relatives.
Essays on "How i spent my holidays" .....
A heavy sadness when the season gets over.

Summer now :

Endless cribs about the heat.
Exams in the heat.
Eager parents waiting at Bangalore City Jn.
Travel to cooler places.
The constant hum of airconditioners from every house.
Window-shopping to escape the heat!
Endless summer-camps and "value-addition" classes.
Late nights spent in fornt of the computer.
Amma's MMS - once a day.
Mango - in various forms - taken with a warning.
Hurried trips to "fulfill obligations".
A sigh of relief that the season is finally getting over.

Nostalgia

2007-04-05T16:16:00.000-05:00

A snatch of a song ... a television jingle ..... a word in the newspaper ..... a stray chocolate wrapper lying on the road ....colours of spring... mangoes in summer.... a note that flies out of an old notebook ... a childhood promise sealed with dirty fingerprints... a dress ... a colour ... a photo that falls out of an old book ... a lost pencil ... an old bill ... words behind a notebook ... gully cricket ... padding up for the 'duck' scored ... 'houses made of chairs and bed sheets ... early morning trips to the railway station ... fights on the way back for the front seat in the car ... a conversation overheard... a childhood acquaintance long forgotten... the smell of jasmine strings ... the sight of loud vegetable vendors sweating in the sun ... a sequence of numbers ... a string of gibberish ... the sound of kids walking about innocent, inconsequential things ... cycle rickshaws ... an old movie dialogue ... morning walks at lalbagh ... climbing "mountains" and feeding deer ... a tree... a flower ... a leaf carefully preserved between the pages of a book ... a doodle .. a bottle .. patti's mysore pak ... thatha's wisdom ... the smell of amma's rasam ... the sound of appa's car at the gate ...

a touch of emotion .. a brief trip down memory lane ... the moment stashed away in memory ...... a hint of nostalgia .. life must go on.....

Being an Indian cricket fan......

2007-03-19T13:20:00.000-05:00

Being an Indian Cricket Fan (ICF) is hard work!

You are subjected to such a rough roller coaster ride, with emotions rising and falling every day. You have to go from being deliriously happy on one day to utterly dejected the next.

Everyone is expected to be an expert of the game. The nitty-gritties of the game are lost in the larger picture - who's who's girlfriend? Who's doing what endorsements? Who's getting more than money than whom?

There are so many birthdays to kep track of, so much family history to know, so many children's names to remember, not to mention their likes / interests!

There are so many interviews to watch, so many debates to partake, so many opinions to understand and give. whew!

There is so much stress involved in the post-match analyses; so much energy spent in talking about every player's performance.

There is so much to protest about, so much more to feel disappointed about.

Days, weeks, even months are fueled by cricket scores.We pray feverishly for miracles, rain, sun or inclement weather in remote locations.Superstition touches a new high, with even "scientific" people turning into morons!

The entire country is united by the same 'mantra' ; where the young and old, rich and poor, godmen and mortals come out in hordes, each trying to please the Gods and the team in their own way.

The productivity / mood swings with the fortunes of the team. We hope and pray that there's no immportant exam or presentation the day after India has lost a match, we need time to come to terms with the loss, you see!

With so much cricket being played these days, it is, indeed surprising that the ICF finds time to do other things, like, work, for instance!

Indian Standards....

2007-02-22T12:19:00.000-06:00

Visited the FORD factory recently.
I was amazed by the discipline of the employees there. Every regulation was adhered to, every rule followed.
If it said NO CROSSING, the employees would take a circuitous route, to avoid the crossing.
All safety goggles and ear plugs were worn, open shoes banned, pedestrian movement restricted to specific areas and everything was in its place.
The campus was spic and span. Not a speck of dust on the roads, not a piece of stray litter on hte ground.
Felt like a dream - a place that was not India, where we believe that "rules are made to be broken".
A place that can proudle claim to set "Indian Standards".

The personalised safety warnings and caution signs, along with encouraging measures like the safety green cross did help.

This visit stirred new hope. Hope of an awakened India. Where everyone believes that" Swasth Bharath ke liye zaroori hai swasth parivar". Where rules are followed. Where roads are clean, traffic smooth and lawlessness minimum.
A country that we are proud of. Proud to be a part of.
A country where we can proudly say "Mera Bharath Mahan". In all respects.

shrinking. . . .

2007-02-19T21:39:00.000-06:00

First, we had town criers.
Then we had snail-mail.
Up came telegrams.......
Then came radio.
The miraculous invention, television.
We had INTERNET.
E-mail.....
Then, came blogging.
and...scrapping.
Now, status messages!

Adaptive species, aren't we? Keep shrinking our words and text, in effect, communicating more!!
The world is shrinking. And our words are shrinking with it.
Words are becoming shorter, letters are becoming shorter, messages are becoming more cryptic....Interesting phenomenon.

Wonder if the sms language will become widely acceptable in literary circles? There already is an sms novel...
Wonder what the Bard would have had to say about all this????

random thought.....

2007-02-18T21:13:00.000-06:00

Solitude is like a shadow. It goes with you everywhere, taking various forms, shapes and sizes depending on the environs. Your best friend. Your worst enemy.

The RAND connection

2007-01-25T10:25:00.000-06:00

Was the protagoinist of GURU, Gurubhai, an objectivist?

GURU is the story of a man who dared to follow his dream. He pulled all stops, left no stone unturned to realise his dream. He bulldozed his way to success, throwing aside all consideration for ethics, morals and values as society understands them today. He justifies his means by the cause for greater good. He refuses to live by the norms of society, forming his own value system based on human emotion and mutual respect.

Interesting, that all winners are shown to be rebels. The law does not come in the way of their sucess....along with their sucess comes the succes of millions of other voice-less, making them modern-day robin hoods.
The scene where a man thanks Guru-bahi for making him rich, and pledging his support, just before the public trial, stands out in my memory.

We make the lawmakers that make the law. We break the law and blame the lawmakers for making a dysfunctional law. We blatantly ignore the law-enforcing machinery. We blame the machinery for not enforcing the law.

What is more important - success or ethics?
Is the cause of the collective good greater than the law itself ?
How valid are Rand's ideologies in today's world? Can they change society without corrupting it ?

2006 - the year that was....

2006-12-31T05:51:00.000-06:00

2006 - the year i.....

of the dog.
first went to "office", and earned money.
made new friends
rediscovered old ones.
learnt how to say goodbye
learnt to laugh at myself.
first drove a car.
felt truly liberated.
discovered methods to work around the system and get things done.
attended my best friend's wedding.
understood the real meaning of helpless.
accepted that bad habits don't necessarily make a person bad.
participated in my first dharna.
rode triples on a scooty.
felt like an adolescent again.
laughed, cried, prayed, hoped and wondered....

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times...in the end, it was a year tat i will treasure.. forever.

Happy New Year!

2006-12-06T07:15:00.000-06:00

Something i came across...
Am in the middle of exams..feeling utterly foolish at having to do something that i don't see any sense in doing.
All i could say was : "How true !! *sigh*"

Sometimes I am a little unkind to all my many friends in education ...
by saying that from the time it learns to talk every child makes a dreadfull nuisance of itself by asking "Why?".
To stop this nuisance society has invented a marvelous system called education which, for the majority of people, brings to an end their desire to ask that question.The few failures are known as scientists.

-- Hermann Bondi (Austrian/British mathematician/cosmologist,1919) in "Review of Cosmology", Montly Notices of the Royal Astronomical Society, 1948 108,107.

multiplicity

2006-11-19T01:12:00.000-06:00

I'm on msn spaces too.
This new blog is a part of my "indexing" and "classification" attempt.
Lets see how it goes.

5 years...in a nutshell.

2006-11-19T00:58:00.000-06:00

Its too early to say goodbye, but one has to start somewhere...

Things I am going to miss about Chennai :

Evenings at the beach, listening to the waves, talking, living life.
Early morning shows @ Satyam, watching movies 3 rows from the screen.
Deluxe and Express 21G.
Travelling half the way across town for a case study, and ending up spending half the day waiting outside for permission.
Triples on TN 09 E 8833.
Getting off hurriedly if any of us sight a policeman.
"Combined study" , where most of the studying happens only after 10 PM the night before the exam.
Fights with the college watchman , EVERYDAY , about letting us in late.
Impulsive sleepovers, where we actually sleep.
Planned trips that NEVER go according to plan, but end up twice as much fun.
Infinite photo "sessions".
Trips that are meticulously planned, but never materialize.
The comfort in the knowledge that the only thing that separates me and a sympathetic shoulder is a phone.
Giggling like schoolgirls over silly things.
Fighting like bounden enemies, laughing the next minute like its only thing we know to do.
The numerous "I'm at....wru?" msgs.
Ladies' coach of the beach-bound trains.

kick off !!!

2006-10-14T03:52:00.000-05:00

Just signed up for a blogspot, hence, am still trying to figure this out.

The first post is dedicated to my friends from my first school in bangalore - Sudarshan Vidya Mandir.. who have, unknowingly, helped me in getting a new blogspot membership.
Thanks, guys.